The Five Stages of Grief
by TTGL Machine
Summary: The Rebellion was over. Homura was unable to keep Madoka's memories suppressed forever, and she ended up being easily defeated by her. Ashamed of what Homura had become and blaming herself for it, Madoka banishes her from The Law of Cycles. Now, Homura must learn to re-adjust to the reality she had lived in before she became a magical girl.


"Hah…hah…"

Homura breathed heavily as she laid back against the large tree. The wet towel over her head did little to alleviate the searing heat she felt from the harsh sunlight. She had finished doing a round of warm-ups at the school during gym, and was now exhausted.

She wasn't supposed to feel that way, she kept telling herself. Everything about the current situation she had been in for the past three days was wrong. She watched as the other students were doing the other exercises. These were exercises that she had done over and over again, always on this exact day. This time was different, however. She was strictly ordered to participate only in the warm-ups, and nothing more due to her heart condition.

Her heart condition. She never thought she would have to hear those words spoken to her ever again. She grit her teeth in anger the more she thought about it. Her anger only grew once she heard several students who were walking by whispering comments about her inability to participate in gym. Her fists clenched as the frustration of it all continued to build up inside her.

No. She wouldn't accept this. This wasn't real. She glanced over to the track. The students from her class were doing the vault over the hurdle. A fire became lit in Homura's eyes as she watched them do the sport. Some of them barely made it, others performed adequately. But their performances always paled in comparison to whenever Homura did it. She was the one who broke records. That's how it always was, and that hasn't changed, she told herself. She decided to prove it right then and there.

She threw the towel off her head, stood up, and stormed towards the track, attracting the gazes of several students who had watched her warm-up performance before. She arrived just as the last student had completed her jump, marking the end of gym class. The coach supervising the students was just finishing marking the student's performances when she noticed what Homura was doing. Shocked, she quickly walked over to her.

"Akemi, what are you doing? You've been specifically told to not participate in anything but the warm-ups!" She scolded.

"…No." Homura responded emotionlessly, not looking at her. Her eyes were focused straight ahead on the hurdle, as she knelt down, preparing to dash off.

"No?!" The coach exclaimed, shocked as Homura ignored her. "Akemi! Don't you dare! You're putting yourself in danger!"

"I'm not like the rest of you." Homura replied, though it felt as if she was telling herself that more than she was telling the coach. Regardless, she focused on nothing but the hurdle in front of her, ignoring the coach's protests. By now, almost all of the students' eyes were on her. Some looking at her with concern, many others with smug arrogance, wondering how this girl who could barely get by in the warm-ups compare with a sport like this. Each and every one of their gazes were like daggers piercing her back. It took every ounce of willpower she had to ignore them along with the coach yelling in her ears.

The time to prove that to them was now. She was above this. She was powerful! Her body had no limits! Those thoughts rang in her mind as she dashed forward with all her might. The coach's yelling fell on deaf ears as the world almost seemed to grow silent around her as Homura's mind continued to focus on the hurdle in front of her. The memory of completing this mundane, everyday human task with ease played in her head as she made the jump.

" _..!"_

It happened so fast. Suddenly, Homura was in pain. A horrible, throbbing pain had suddenly erupted in her chest while she was in the air, causing her to lose her concentration. She fell on the mat and rolled around, convulsing in pain as she clutched her chest. Every inch of her body wanted to scream from the agony, but she found herself unable to do even that. It was like the air had been forced out of her lungs and every attempt she made at speaking only resulted in even more pain.

" _No…_ " Homura thought as tears began leaking from her eyes. By now a crowd had gathered around her, students looking at her in horror, some calling for the nurse, others even saying to call an ambulance. She even thought that she had heard laughter among some of them. Her vision started to become fuzzy and her hearing started to deteriorate as the pain in her chest got worse. But the physical pain in her heart was nothing compared to the emotional pain she felt, as the reality of her current situation continued to yell at her in her mind before she lost consciousness.

Homura Akemi was a magical girl no more.

* * *

Homura awoke later to find herself staring at those all-too familiar white tiles of the hospital ceiling. The pain her chest had stopped, but she found herself too weak to really move much. She could barely even sit up without feeling a throbbing ache throughout her body. The most she could do was turn her head to look at her surroundings.

She sighed as she remembered the events that caused this to happen to her.

Her rebellion had failed. As she thought, as she _feared_ , Madoka's memories returned and she became her enemy. She fought to regain control, and she was defeated by the combined efforts of her and the other girls she knew throughout the countless timelines she had been through. Whatever words she used to persuade her to return to the world she had created for her fell on deaf ears, as Madoka was determined to set things back to the way they were. She was defeated in the same manner used to strip Madoka of her goddess form. As Homura's love for Madoka was strong enough to overcome Madoka's hope, Madoka's love for all magical girls everywhere was what ended up sealing her defeat.

Homura expected Madoka to be angry at her, but what she didn't expect was for Madoka to blame herself for what Homura had done and strip her of her Soul Gem to turn her into a normal human again. She clenched her fists at the mere thought of it. How long has she lived being a magical girl? Was time even a concept when she had become a demon?

After everything she had been through for all that time, how could she possibly be expected to return to the mortal world and live a normal human life away from Madoka? It was impossible for her. No, she wouldn't accept this. There had to be a way for her to regain her powers and talk some sense into - no, return Madoka to where she needed to be, she thought.

It wasn't long after she thought that when a tall male doctor came into the room. Noticing that Homura was awake, he immediately began asking her questions about how she felt, as well as scolding her for her recklessness. Homura bit her lip as she continued to be berated. Until the time came when she could get her powers back, she was just going to have to make the best of living as a mortal human again, which meant dealing with the limitations put on her body by her long-forgotten accursed disease. It had been three days since her banishment, and she still had a hard time believing that.

After going through numerous checkup procedures, the doctor determined that Homura's life was not in mortal danger, thanks to the treatment she had received while she was unconscious. He warned her that pulling a stunt like that again could very well prove to be fatal. Homura begrudgingly nodded in response, wanting to just get this over with so she could go home. It wasn't like he actually cared about her, she thought. He just wanted to make sure he didn't have the death of a fourteen-year old girl on his hands. Finally, he seemed to be satisfied and Homura was discharged, allowing her to begin the trek back to her apartment.

She had apparently knocked herself out for a good portion of the day, as the sun was already beginning to set. The area was bustling as people clad in suits filled the city's streets, on their way home from another long business day. Homura was grateful that her apartment wasn't too far from the emergency room she was sent to, as she made her way to the nearest bus stop to catch a ride. As usual, they were packed at this hour, and Homura's size compared to most of the people didn't make it easier for her. The bus made a sharp turn in the streets, causing some of them to bump into the raven-haired girl, causing her red glasses to drop to the floor.

"Damn it." Homura uttered, her vision immediately blurring, yet again serving as another reminder as to how weak and pathetic she was before she made the contract. She wasn't completely blind without them, but the most she could make out clearly was her own hands in front of her face. The bus had made another stop, allowing her to kneel down for a moment to feel around on the floor where she heard them fall. She desperately searched for a few seconds as more passengers came onto the bus, upon which she heard a horrific cracking sound.

"Oh shoot!" Came a voice in front of her. Homura prayed that what she thought just happened didn't, as she felt her glasses being placed into her hand, immediately grabbing them and placing them over her head...and being able to see clearly in only one eye. "Young miss, I'm so sorry. I wasn't looking where I was going." The man who had stepped on her glasses said, apologetically.

" _No shit you weren't._ " Homura mentally cursed him as she grit her teeth. Not wanting to start something in front of another crowd, she merely turned around and gave him the silent treatment and waited for the bus to reach her stop, which thankfully was next. She got off the crowded bus and began walking through the residential area of the city, being extra alert now that her vision was even more impaired than it was before.

She hoped she had a spare lying around somewhere in her apartment. She began to get nervous, wondering if the pair that just broke _was_ the spare. It wasn't as if she would have remembered, having spent how many years in a perpetual time-loop where she never needed them anymore due to being able to heal her vision with magic. _Magic…_

That word echoed through Homura's mind as she walked towards the poorly decorated apartment complex where she lived. Taking out the key from her pocket, she twisted it into the lock and opened the door, revealing the all-too-familiar droll and emptiness that was Homura's residence. She made her way to her room, searching through her drawers in an attempt to find a spare set of glasses, if one even existed. If one didn't, that would have opened up a whole new can of worms, as if the performance she made during gym that morning wasn't humiliating enough. She did not want to show up at school in an even more pathetic state. Homura bit her lip as she continued searching, trying not to entertain that thought.

"Come on...where are they…" Homura muttered to herself, her hands sifting through the various insignificant items she had forgotten about throughout the timelines. She made a mental note to clear some of this junk out later. At first she tried to keep things neat, but her patience began to wear thin as her search went on, causing her to start indiscriminately tossing things out on the floor. "Come on!" She shouted before finding a case. Miraculously, there was another pair inside. Breathing a sigh of relief, she donned them and collapsed on her bed from exhaustion.

Her stomach growled, but she found no energy to get up and make something to eat. The events of the day looped in her head over and over as memories of her old, pathetic self that she had thought she put behind her crept back. Homura quickly shoved those thoughts aside as hard as she could. Even if she didn't have magic, she was still far stronger than the girl she once was, she told herself as she rolled over on the bed, her eyes facing towards the now-messy floor.

It was at that moment where she noticed something. Her eyes widened in shock. There was something that wasn't supposed to be there. Something she hadn't owned anymore. Sitting aside the myriad of notes, tools, and waste, were a pair of all-too familiar bright red ribbons.

She slid off the bed and crawled towards it, her eyes filled with disbelief as her hands gently picked up the two pieces of fabric, cradling them as if even one wrong motion of her hands would destroy them.

"Why…" Why were these here? She thought. She had given these back. Back to the girl whose wish she betrayed to keep her happy. Back to the girl who had erased herself from existence for magical girls everywhere. Back to the girl who was now out of her reach, farther than she could ever imagine. But here they were, neatly placed in a drawer before she had carelessly tossed them out without realizing it.

"Madoka…" Homura whispered, tears leaking out of her eyes yet again. At that moment, it was as if all the pain and humiliation she felt had suddenly began to fade away. Homura quickly realized what those ribbons being here meant. Even after becoming a demon, after fighting her and the others to regain control, after every horrible thing she did, Madoka still didn't want Homura to forget her. It then occurred to her that that must have been the reason why she didn't erase her memories when she easily could have. She placed the ribbons on the drawer next to her bed. Her eyes lit up with a new flare of determination.

"Madoka." She said to herself. "I know you did this because you thought it was right. But I'm not done. I'll come back to give you the happiness you deserve. I promise." Her eyes staring at the ribbons for a few minutes before she sat down on the bed to think. That's when it hit her.

There was a way to return to being a magical girl. A way to return everything to as it was before. A way to see Madoka again.

"The Incubator..." Homura whispered. Somehow, she would have to find him. If she was a normal human now, she'd certainly be able to find him and make another wish.

Right?

* * *

 **A/N: Hey guys, now I know what you're thinking so I'll just say this here for you. Are you ready? Okay:**

 **WHERE THE HECK IS THE LAST CHAPTER OF MANLY MAGI KAMINA MAGICA YOU LAZY BUM?!**

 **I know, I know. Guys, I really don't have an excuse for not ending that story other than not knowing how to end it at this point. I mean, the original idea I had for it just feels inappropriate to me now.**

 **Regardless, thanks to P.K. Atomyst, writer of Homura Akemi: Test Subject One (Really good story, you should check it out), I ended up getting inspired to write this idea that I've had on my mind for quite a while.**

 **I hope you enjoy, and I'd love to hear what you think of this. :)**


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